I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sobbing to NWA
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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