my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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