My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
