Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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