The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
