Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
