I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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