You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
