Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
