based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
