I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
