Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
