She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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