I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
