He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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