Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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