I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
