new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
