You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
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He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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