I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
