oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
