is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
