one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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