I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
