so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
