I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
