Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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