I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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