i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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