True but thats because hes a fetus.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
