Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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