can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize