his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
