just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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