my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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