Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
