how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
