I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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