Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Say something about gay babies.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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