Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
