I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
