Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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