Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
