I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
