Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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