I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
PANTIES FOUND
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