I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
