Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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