How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found puke in my bra..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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