Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
