the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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