How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
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If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Im part way to drunk.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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