she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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