i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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