Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
