what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
