she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
