i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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