Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
