I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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