You smell like a Billy Joel song
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
