I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
