Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
