Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
