Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I deserve this hangover.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
